MY LIFE

MY LIFE

I got married when I was 20 I met my new husband in a local pub where we chatted for a while and then we started dating, after two years of being together we decided to get married.

At first our marriage was the best and i said to myself i found the man i want to spend the rest of my life with. Until one day we went out for a drink and my husband got drunk then for no reason he just punched me in the face, i was so shocked i just didn't know what to do.

From then on things started to go from bad to worse he used to work and lock me in our flat inside the bedroom with no curtains up at the window and a bucket for me to use as a toilet. I found this very degrading i felt like i was imprisioned in my own home for something i don't know what.

When he used to come home he would let me out of the room and order me to cook him a curry and when i done that he used to beat me up and rape me, I was beginning to feel so dirty and ashamed, what did i do to deserve this.

I tried talking to my mum and dad but they just said "you made your bed now i must lie on it, everybody has ups and downs in a marriage".

So i just carried on the best i knew how, i used to clean the flat from top to bottom i wasn't allowed out of the flat until my husband was back home, I used to smoke as well so did he, but one day he came home from work and excused me of having an affair with with one, i told him how can i, i can't get out of the flat you lock me in. He just punched me in the face again and then kicked me when i was on the floor, i tried to cruel to the bathroom where i could lock myself in but he caught hold of my legs then kept on punching me in the face and kicking me in the ribs, i was so much in pain that i couldn't move anymore. The thoughts that were going through my mind was just kill me i was want to die.

He left me lying on the floor for about 20 minutes then told me to get up and wash myself that i look horrible, i tried to move but couldn't so he just grabbed me by my hair and took me to the bathroom and put my face in the mirror and said i hate you and i will kill.

I just stood there shaking and cried with fear. He then left me, i tried to clean my face but the pain was unbearable, all the time i was trying to clean myself up i was trying to think how can i escape from him, but i couldn't.

He then shouted out at me to make him a cup of tea so i went into the kitchen i was so tempted to poor the hot tea over him, but something inside of me said no don't do it.

We just sat in the frontroom watching tv, i was in so much pain from my ribs and face that i feel ashamed now but i couldn't help it i wet myself.
He then screamed at me i just shook with complete fear i cried to him please don't hurt no-more, i begged him, but he didn't take any notice. He grabbed me by the hair and then raped me, it was horrible.

After he had finished and i was lying there naked he could see the bruises he put on me, and then said oh sharon im so sorry i promise i wont do that again. Please don't leave me.

I just couldn't answer him, i hated him and i would never never forgive him.

A couple of days went by and nothing happened he even let me have the flat to myself but i still couldn't get out of the street door has he had locked me in.

Then by about 5pm he turned up and he didn't say anything to me at first but then after a few minutes he just punched me in the face and then kicked me in the stomach with steel toe capped boots on, i fell to the floor then he dragged me to the bedroom and raped me again, but this time i felt something very sharpe inside of me, it was so painful that all i could do was cry, he kept pushing this item hard inside of me i just didn't know what it was the pain was terrible ive never felt this sort of pain ever in my life. When he stopped he forced himself ontop of me, by this time i was bleeding from below the bed covers were covered in blood, i was so scared.
He then came off me, and then told me you dirty bitch clean this up before i come back to bed.

When he left the room my whole body was covered in blood when i looked down on myself i could see blood pooring out of me, i was so scared i thought i was dying,
I tried to stand up but i couldn't i kept falling to the ground, then i just fell unconsious all i can remember is waking up in hospital.

When i came round and all i could see was a doctor and nurse leaning over me, i just looked around to see if my husband was in the room but he wasn't, i just said to the doctor please help me please get me away from my husband he's going to kill me. The doctor was very concerned about this and told the nurse to call the police, i was so relieved that somebody was listening to me and was going to help me.

The doctor then told me that ive got bad news for you, you wont be able to have children because you have been ripped apart inside by a very sharpe object, and part of it had to be removed. I just didn't know what to say i was just shocked.
The door swung open i just screamed get him out of here i hate him, but there was nobody there.

The doctor gave me a sleeping pill to help me sleep and i had 24 hour police protection, but even then i didn't feel safe. The next day the police asked me some questions and i told them everything that was happening, they took some photo's of my injuries and put them in the local paper, they then arrested my husband for GBH, and ABH.

My mum and dad and sisters came to visit me and i just looked at them and said why didn't you help me.

I was in hospital for over 3 weeks and then was allowed home, my mum and dad said that i could stay there i was pleased that i didn't have to go back to that flat, i called it the horrible house because to me thats what it was.

Then a couple of days later i was sitting in the frontroom watching a programe on the tv it was gone 11.30pm when all of of sudden my husband came through the window and landed in front of me, he said he was going to kill me. My brother came down the stairs and my husband ran past him, i was shaking so much i couldn't keep still, the police were called and they said to me did i encourage him to jump through the window that shocked me.

I thought that he was put in prision but his mum bailed him out. After that i was under a special doctor to try and help me get over it, but i will always remember what he has done to me, i had nightmares all the times i was always waking up screaming. I was on depression tablets to help me sleep and calm my nerves.

A few months went by and i started to feel better i started to go out with friends again and my family but i still had to look behind me just incase.
This fear i will always have i will never get over what i went through.

Then it was a summer's day and i decided to venture out on my own as the doctor said that i need to do this on my own. So i decided i would go shopping and treat myself to some new cloths i think i deserved it, i was walking around the shops when i bumped into my husband he just said hi and im sorry. I just froze, he then said can we please talk, i told him no ive got nothing to say to you, then he just grabbed my arm and i screamed but nobody took any notice, things were going through my head oh no not again.

He then took me in a corner and said i will damage you in a way that no-one else will want you. I just broke free from him and ran as fast as i could to the police station where he followed me, but stopped when i got inside i was just shaking i told the police what had happened they then put out a warrant for his arrest.

I was then taken back home and the police told my mum that i need to be in a safe place, so i packed up some cloths and the police took me to a womens' refuge in Chelmsford. I was safe at last, this was where i got my divorce, i made so many friends there and they helped me put my life back on track. My mum phoned me up while i was in the refuge and told me that my husband had taking an overdose i just said is he dead, she said no. Oh how i wished he was dead.

Thats my story and even to write it on my blog i still cry i will never forget what he has done to me, i can never have children because of what he has done to me, im now suffering from asthma as well now, i also gets bad headaches. Its a sort of life i wouldn't want anybody to experience.